Not very Buddhist of me...obsession with THINGS

Ever since I gave back the $299.99 Nokia E71x smartphone on the 18th that I'd had since the 14th because my old laptop suddenly died and I felt buying TWO expensive things in one week was too much...I've been obsessed. (Insert inhale here after a long frantic sentence.) I put data/web back on my non-smartphone, but it's just not the same and I don't like paying for web on a cell when I already pay for it at home. I'm cheap. I don't like double paying. I've already taken the data plan back off my Samsung Propel and now feel stranded...disconnected...left out. You see, the company I work for blocks the majority of websites out there in Internet world...especially social networking sites and personal email sites. That is the root of my problem. I feel cut off from what has become my world...the world of web interaction.

So, I called the AT&T store I returned Nigel (yes, I named my phone...and my car is Bob) to last night to see if by any chance they still had the phone. They had refunded $279.99 of my purchase price because of a $20 restocking fee. I was hoping to get back my actual phone so I could recoup the $20. And, if truth be told, I had a bond with the phone. I do feel...actually, KNOW, that everything is energy. Everything has an essence, including a phone. I wanted my actual Nigel back, not another E71x if possible. But, as fate would have it, the store had already shipped Nigel and other returned mobile phones back to AT&T for refurbishing. Now, initially I took that as a sign that I was supposed to save my money and not buy "stuff". But, then I started obsessing more. I went on eBay and got into a bidding war for another Nokia E71x, but some twerp outbid me by $2.50 in the last seconds of the auction. GRRRRRRR.

Now, I should mention that the main reason (though there were plenty of reasons to love my first ever smartphone) I loved the phone I had for less than a week was that it had WiFi and without having to pay $30/month for a data plan, I could surf the web in WiFi hotspots for FREE. I like FREE.

I brought my new great Acer Aspire One 10.1 inch netbook to work today to use, but even though it's cute and small compared to regular laptops, it still weighs enough that when you've got it in a bag with other womanly stuff like a purse and make-up, it gets heavy. If I didn't have to run blocks (uphill on the way home) to catch a bus to/from work it wouldn't be as big of a deal, but I do...and any weight slows me down. I have 4-5 minutes to get from the 12th floor of a building down to the ground level where I then have to run another 3+ blocks if I don't want to get stuck in downtown Portland for another 15+ minutes. GRRRRRRR again. God I wish my job paid for parking in downtown at $200/month.

I could already tell after today, that I am just not going to want to lug around a computer. So then I set my sights on getting an iTouch. People are selling brand new iTouch's on CraigsList.org like crazy because there is a special at Apple right now where if you are a student and buy a computer, you get a free 8 GB iTouch. I've contacted numerous people and no one has responded. I literally started to panic. I also contacted a guy who was selling his week old Nokia like the one I had for $200, but he had just sold it (though his friend has one too and may want to sell it). It was like every avenue I tried today to spend money and get something small with WiFi just didn't work out. I finally started to realize (I am a bit slow) that perhaps God really WAS trying to block my expenditures for things I don't reeeeaaaaaaaalllllllllllyyyyyyy need. My Samsung Propel is fine. Technically, the sky will not fall if I don't have nonstop web access. Plus, the kicker is that I am due for a phone upgrade on October 9th, and if I could wait a few months, could get something nice at a savings.

After the thought that I really "shouldn't" spend more money at this time, and that I could carry my netbook around for a few months if need be (if I really was going to die without Facebook all day)...there was another thought...one of THOSE thoughts. You know, those thoughts that actually have a deeper meaning? One of those thoughts that make you question, "What the hell am I doing? Why am I frantically running around in circles like a crazy woman over not having a techie toy? Why am I clinging so much and panicking at the thought of not having 24/7 web access?" Something is wrong, so I decided to put that something to good use and write about it. I'm avoiding something. And I think that is a very common situation. I see BlackBerrys and iPhones as miracle things at times, but at other times I wonder if all these things are just our babysitters and a way for us to not feel so alone. Our mobile phones have become our baby blankets.

Now I need to stop writing and just be (as my friend tells me I need to do more often)...and also realize that material things are temporary, and getting attached to them is not healthy. You can't take it with you as they say.

Om mane padme hum,

Atheria

Mirror Lake movie from today...

Here is a movie I took today while hiking up to Mirror Lake in the gorgeous Mount Hood area of Oregon.

Peace,

Atheria

Today's crossings...Farrah Fawcett & Michael Jackson

As if today didn't start off sad enough with the passing of Farrah Fawcett...while waiting for a bus and on my way to the hospital for a medical test, I got a call from my sister saying that Michael Jackson had shockingly died of a massive heart attack. Even as a psychic medium who knows we are eternal souls, and that our bodies are just clothing (I noted how the reporters on Fox 11 in L.A. while watching Michael being flown via helicopter to where the autopsy will take place kept referring to him simply as "the body"), it is still hard to accept when someone you expect to be around for a long time is suddenly gone from this plane of existence.

In Farrah's case, there was a sad sense of relief as she had suffered for so long. No one should have to go through the type of cancer battle she had to go through. With Michael, there is just this sense of disbelief...and a very real reminder to all of us that we are never assured of a tomorrow. When someone unexpectedly crosses over, it reminds me to appreciate each and every day. It makes me want to quit my job and be free and do the things I want to do but never have time to do or THINK I have the money to do. What if today really was your last day? Would you find yourself on the Other Side feeling okay about it, or regretful?

Of course, there are the practical concerns of "Well, what if I really DO live to be 100 and am penniless because I "lived in the now" too much?" This is the push-pull I go through a lot...and I doubt I'm alone. But something that is free and doesn't jeopardize your financial security is to tell those whom you love that you love them...to hug and kiss your family, friends, and pets. You'll never regret that you loved a bit too much.

Farrah, you really are an angel now...hopefully dancing to Michael's music in heaven.

In light,

Atheria

Farrah Fawcett

I heard 3 hours after the fact that at approximately 3:25 p.m. today, Farrah Fawcett was given last rites (in CA). Just after hearing this, I was hit with subtle tingling...felt that she was half in and half out of this world. My thoughts and prayers are with her and her loved ones. I pray she has a smooth transition to the Other Side and that she knows how much she is loved. She has been a brave fighter and an inspiration to many people. I ask that you all send your prayers her way...

In light,

Atheria

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The still small voice within...and without...

Okay, I know I'm psychic. I mean, I communicate with "dead" people for crying out loud. Yet, sometimes I ignore my unseen friends when one of them is TRYING to help me from the Other Side. They are just so calm and quiet when they talk, it's too easy to not pay attention and brush it off. WRONG! I need to be hit over the head with a spiritual 2x4 and I hope they are reading this blog.

I swore the last time I heard a subtle voice, brushed it off, and got into trouble for doing so, that I'd never do that again. But, I can be dense. On Wednesday night while trying to fall asleep, I heard a calm, subtle voice say, "Back up your computer." I promptly rolled over and went to sleep...ignoring the warning.

Thursday morning my old laptop was fine and I checked email quickly and streamed a Los Angeles based radio station. When I got home from work and tried to turn the laptop back on, it was dead...no signs of life except for the incessantly loud fan it always had. ARGH!! So, I am once again saying that the next time there is a quiet voice whispering in my ear, I'm listening! And I suggest you do the same. :-)

In light,

Atheria with a new (and very adorable) PC (Acer 10" netbook)